The dog that barked, Pt. 1
Saturday, 2nd May 2010, I didn’t know it was your last day.
The wind was on a rise and forceful, I could feel my hair getting rough and itchy from all the dust in the wind, I didn’t mind it as long as it was with you. your face is not the image I remember from that day, I can hear your voice telling me to stop talking in my mind. I can smell you, but your face is not on my mind at all.
Saturday morning, and you’re awake before me. walking around, annoying me, ‘we’re going to be late! the ticket says tour starts at 9 am, it’s already 8:30!’ you said. A wide smile on my face and pumped eyes from a deep sleep we had the night before. ‘Okay… hug first’ I replied. You didn't hesitate, I remember that with anguish now, I wish we didn’t go out that day.
‘what do you want to listen to? anything you want your pick.’ you said handing me the CD bag.
‘When the sun shine, we shine together, told you I’ll be here forever, said I’ll always be your friend, took an oath, I’ma stick it out to the end.’ In laughter, we sang to Rihanna Umbrella.
I laid open my hand and stared at you, hoping you’d notice and put your hand-whole in my palm. I’m glad I did, I can feel it caressing my dead weight of a body. I’m glad I spent our last day together.
Summer sun dawned and sat in front of your face, I watched every spec but it’s all dark in my mind. why is it that you have a sound? scent? even a presence, and not a face? is this my punishment for not holding you as life ascended from you?
This day is always repeated for me, I’m not sure how long it’s been. life moved-on, the earth never stopped rotating, and I found Loki barking at the end of the nearby jogging park, barking and howling for me.
Back to the truck and gazing at what seemed to have been a good day, singing and holding your grip in my palm. ‘I think my hand is sweaty’ you said with an awkward smile, ‘don’t care’ I didn’t hesitate to say, ‘it’s quite windy today’ I continued. ‘well, let’s hope it doesn’t get dusty. I can’t see well yikes.’ you said. ‘Baby, do you miss Loki?’ with an unsure tone I asked. ‘Of course, poor baby is in heaven now.’ you replied smiling with certainty on your face, I know it was just to help me be less sad about the puppy we lost.
